Sometimes we spin our wheels thinking about the hard times and future worries, don't we? I know I do! I'm trying to do less of that and more of living in this moment. Of course, remembering and planning are important, but these are things I do - not places where I choose to live.
 
Even in the darkest times, it helps me to remember this, and so I wanted to share it with you. 
 
A short play in one act.
Wise One: You seem frantic and sad, caught between regrets and future worry.
Frantic One: Can't argue with that.
Wise One: Maybe it would help if you could just think about right now. Maybe you would see that you really are okay.
Frantic One: What? Right now is horrible! Look at me. I'm hurting, I'm exhausted, and I can barely function! How can you say I'm okay?
Wise One: Are you in unbearable pain?
Frantic One: It's not too bad right now, but it could get worse.
Wise One: Can you bear it?
Frantic One: Yes.
Wise One: Are you in immediate danger?
Frantic One: No.
Wise One: Do you want to run away from here?
Frantic One: No.
Wise One: Is anyone in your face, screaming at you, or hurting you?
Frantic One: No.
Wise One: What is happening?
Frantic One: I am sitting here with you.
Wise One: What else?
Frantic One: We are talking.
Wise One: What else?
Frantic One: I'm tired. I smell something nice. I love that painting. My head hurts. 
Wise One: Anything else?
Frantic One: You are smiling. I am thinking. It's pretty quiet.This seat is soft.
Wise One: Are you safe?
Frantic One: I think so.
Wise One: Do you feel safe right now?
Frantic One: Yes.
Wise One: In this moment, this very second, are you okay?
Frantic One: [long pause, futilely looking for a reason to argue]. Yes.
Wise One: [gentle smile] Hmmm.
(Formerly) Frantic One: [smiling] Hmmm.
 
The End (or new beginning)
​
Now, imagine threading this moment, like a bead, onto a silken strand of time.
Imagine threading the next one, and the next one, and the one after that, onto the same silken strand - all different - all behind you, now.
Imagine an endless strand of moments, acknowledging that not even the worst of them did you in.

I know my troubles are only as big as the moment I am in, and that's really so tiny.
Even the mournful, frustrating, outraged, uncomfortable anxious experiences come and go, one moment at a time.
I can deal with anything for a moment.
I know you can, too.

In the great Mall Directory of life.... You are HERE! 

Dear Wayfaring, Wandering, Day-tripping Soul -

I am your Journey and I want to thank you for venturing into this uncharted territory that is me. You, dear Traveler, are very brave, and I not only fully support your first step and all steps that follow for as many as there may be and for as long as they stretch out ahead of you from where you stand right now, but I applaud them.

Please let me explain my role here. You may want to print this out and tuck it into your pocket for days when this will be hard to remember on your own.

I’m pretty sure my muse has a mad crush on Darwish.

When I read from his Butterfly’s Burden, my lips fall silent, but my soul awakens and I am filled with something so powerful it can’t stay in. So I paint, and out it comes. A gift, from Darwish to me through my muse, or I like to thinks so. There is no better explanation.

Yesterday I read “Housework” in the waiting room at the doctor’s office.

“I stared at a bird and saw your wings
wearing my wings in a eucalyptus tree.”

And then this

“How often?
After midnight, the sun rose
in our blood,
how much of me is you, my love
how often! Who am I!”

Your wings wearing my wings in a eucalyptus tree? How much of me is you? Be still my heart. My muse’s knees melted. She wanted to paint and I got out of her way.

With quiet music playing, as white sage and a candle burned, I sat at my studio table scanning my materials, waiting to see which ones wanted to be used.

I reached for Sailboat Blue and the color named Stream, using them to create blue sky background, edge to edge, across a 12.5” x 12.5” ceramic tile. More inks were pulled out for the eucalyptus tree that was in my mind. Teakwood and Meadow Green. Every shade of red was set aside close at hand. I knew there would be red.

A small Vaseline container, chosen for its flat sides, elevated one corner of the tile higher than the other three. I flipped the switch on my air compressor and added a drop of Teakwood on that raised corner. The air sent it flowing in lines, branching out across the tile. One, in particular, wanted to keep traveling, so I followed, pushing it out as far as it wanted to reach.

Branches sprang from that corner, stretching out across the bright blue sky, one Teakwood drop at a time.

Now, the leaves. Meadow Green rushed out, forming a drop much larger than expected, and the air sent it out in feathery form, not the fan shaped leaf in my mind. I let the paint have its way and about five leaves in I laughed, looking at the feathery green sprays. I remembered gingko leaves are like little green fans! I had no idea what a eucalyptus tree looked like and so just kept painting, adding leaves, following strands of green across the ceramic blue sky.

Blooms, came a thought.

Blooms? I answered back.

Blooms.

Do eucalyptus trees even have blooms? 

Blooms.

My smart phone got me to the internet and photos of eucalyptus flowers. My leaves were not so far off! Eucalyptus trees have long, slender, green leaves that hang like clumps of green hair. The flowers were red and circular- soft looking spiny threads with yellow centers.  

One at a time, scattered where they needed to be, a drop of red, followed by a drop of white and then a burst of air. Before long my eucalyptus was in full bloom and my muse was smiling.




This post was inspired by a Tweetspeak Poetry Dare. Thank you, Sandra, for letting me tag along on your journey through the works of Darwish. :)