It’s SPRING! Days are getting warmer and longer. Sweaters and heavy flannels are being cast aside in exchange for hoodies and lighter clothes. Grass is greening up and trees are bursting as nature’s nap comes to an end.
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Those of us with Tick Borne Diseases know all too well the internal conflict. Sunshine calls us outside where into the warmth while at the very same time our arch nemeses, ticks, begin looking for hosts to feed on. I don’t know about you, but I’ve actually headed with joy to the lawn only to find myself hanging ten over the edge of my driveway, toes curled around the blacktop, as I suddenly realized the potential hazards ahead! With my heart pounding, I back away slowly. I stare out over the sea of soft new grass and all I see is the perfect hiding ground for ticks.

Over the years I’ve learned two vital truths about myself and the coming of spring:

1. I know that I will be anxious, to some degree, about the bacteria loaded ticks which are prevalent in my area.
2. The sooner I take precautions to protect myself and my family, the sooner I can get out into the sunshine and enjoy the beauty that is Northeast PA.

Anxious moments call for gentleness, my friends. A little compassion for your frightened self will you move through, and beyond, this tick anxiety much easier than self-harshness. Carl Jung was right... what we resist really does persist. I can overcome challenges more easily when I do away with self-ridicule and talk to Vulnerable Me the way I would speak with a frightened friend. I wouldn’t tell a person who’s afraid to stop being such a baby. Instead, I would say that I understand and after all she’s been through it makes sense to be afraid, and it’s really wise to be cautious. Then I would ask her how I might be able to help her be less afraid.  That’s where that second truth comes in. Since I am one of over 300,000+ diagnosed annually with Lyme Disease, it’s not possible that I am the only person experiencing some form of tick anxiety this time of year. That’s why I thought I’d share what I do to prepare and protect myself.

The first action on my list is to buy two cans of tick repellant with ingredients approved by the EPA and proven to be effective for repelling ticks. One can sits by the kitchen door to be applied every time I head outside. My family is less vigilant. I can often be seen chasing my adult sons with a can of spray with DEET as they head out to mow the lawn! The other can goes in the trunk of the car for unplanned nature encounters (non-aerosol is better for this). I also like to carry tick repellant towelettes which contain Picardin in my pocketbook (available through AVON as Bug Guard).
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Ticks, of course, are not insects and therefore insect repellant is not going to be effective in repelling them. They are arachnids and require a very specific approach. There are currently four tested and approved repellants on the market today as outlined by Bob Oley in Tick Talk with Bob Oley, published online at TBDAlliance.org.

1. DEET
2. Picardin
3. IR3535
4. Organic Lemon Eucalyptus Oil

Says Bob, “If any of these ingredients are in your tick repellent, you can feel reasonably confident the repellent will work to repel ticks. To be sure, check the product label, which must state that it repels ticks. If it does not, choose another product that does.” Regardless of which repellant you use, make sure you understand the application and reapplication requirements. DEET must have contact with the skin, for example, in order to be effective. (Tick Talk with Bob Oley). Bob Oley’s article is one of the most informative I have found and offers suggestions which are reasonable and accessible. http://tbdalliance.org/index.php/getinformed/tick-talk

Another thing we do routinely is treat the yard with a substance that will kill the ticks before they can ever make it onto the dog or into our home. There are some good lawn sprays out there. Some people find success with food grade diatomaceous earth. Read all containers carefully to make sure it kills ticks. Check for child and pet safety, and pay attention to reapplication requirements. Speaking of dogs, our dog has thick black fur which makes tick checks very difficult. To help protect him and us we do tick checks in addition to topical monthly tick treatments. Your vet can recommend a good product for your particular furry friend.

I have removed the birdfeeders from my lawn which has greatly reduced all kinds of tick taxi traffic in my yard. I do miss the birds, but it’s a tradeoff I’m willing to make. We have far fewer chipmunks, squirrels, birds, deer, and the occasional bear – all known carriers of ticks.
Skin checks are a vital part of any tick prevention effort. I always examine my skin and hair after being outdoors. I look for poppy seed sized nymphs or larger attached hitch hikers. I wear lighter colors when I can so that the ticks are more easily seen before they have a chance to latch on for lunch, and I avoid leaf clutter, stone walls, and tall grasses whenever possible.

I have tick removal kits with testing mailers on hand just in case one gets ahold of somebody. I like the Lyme-Aid Kit, but there are other methods for testing on the market, too. After watching and hearing about some doctors throwing carefully saved ticks into the trash I have learned to never offer them up as evidence to anyone but a tick testing lab. I advise my friends to do this as well. I also advise people to take a photo of the tick and the site of the tick bite to prove attachment (and therefore risk). If a rash develops anywhere on the body I advise them to take pictures of these, too, with a date stamp if possible.

The coming of spring still gives me the heebie geebies, but knowing how to protect myself and my family helps me recover from the panic much more quickly than before. Remembering that I know what to do keeps me grounded. I refuse to let the cursed ticks that have done so much damage make me a prisoner in my own home. They have already taken a lot. I draw the line at sunshine and gardens.
 
(This piece was originally published in April, 2016, on Chronically Determined.)
 

My thoughts on healing are still swimming around in that floaty realm of not-fully-ready-for-words. However, what I want to say is this: When I tell you I am healed it doesn't mean there is no treatment left for me.  I am still treating multiple tick borne diseases. My journey has been a long one, and it spreads out for as far as it needs to go, ready to receive me. 

It's true that I used to believe a failure in clearing the infections meant I was one of those treatment failures, and I just did not want to provide fodder for anyone's "chronic lyme is untreatable" malarkey.

One day, after sharing my treatment failure worries with a much loved and very Lyme Literate neurologist, he begged to differ - emphatically. So much had changed for me. Among the changes: I was completing sentences. My pain was down and twitching was less. I was reading actual books. I was walking more than wobbling. My cane only was used to pull the curtains open at home, and I was sleeping every night. I was driving safely. He reminded me of these victories and more, and that's when I began to realize a very gradual shift was beginning. My life was redefining the word healing for me.

Healing from Lyme etc. is not only about clearing the diseases, but opening my heart and becoming reacquainted with my soul. If you've ever felt separated from your soul you know what I mean. It's a feeling of fractured-everything-on-the-inside. It seems to me, however, that this is an illusion. We are never really less than whole, but we forget - we feel lost - we feel broken. Our soul, I believe, is always there just waiting patiently. It is not our soul that ever disengages - it is us.

Healing, I think, is not primarily about the body..
Healing, I believe, is more about remembering who we are. 
So, then, it is not about cure or remission. 
Healing is about knowing, as Belleruth Naparstek says, we are "perfectly, utterly, safe."

Sometimes we spin our wheels thinking about the hard times and future worries, don't we? I know I do! I'm trying to do less of that and more of living in this moment. Of course, remembering and planning are important, but these are things I do - not places where I choose to live.
 
Even in the darkest times, it helps me to remember this, and so I wanted to share it with you. 
 
A short play in one act.
Wise One: You seem frantic and sad, caught between regrets and future worry.
Frantic One: Can't argue with that.
Wise One: Maybe it would help if you could just think about right now. Maybe you would see that you really are okay.
Frantic One: What? Right now is horrible! Look at me. I'm hurting, I'm exhausted, and I can barely function! How can you say I'm okay?
Wise One: Are you in unbearable pain?
Frantic One: It's not too bad right now, but it could get worse.
Wise One: Can you bear it?
Frantic One: Yes.
Wise One: Are you in immediate danger?
Frantic One: No.
Wise One: Do you want to run away from here?
Frantic One: No.
Wise One: Is anyone in your face, screaming at you, or hurting you?
Frantic One: No.
Wise One: What is happening?
Frantic One: I am sitting here with you.
Wise One: What else?
Frantic One: We are talking.
Wise One: What else?
Frantic One: I'm tired. I smell something nice. I love that painting. My head hurts. 
Wise One: Anything else?
Frantic One: You are smiling. I am thinking. It's pretty quiet.This seat is soft.
Wise One: Are you safe?
Frantic One: I think so.
Wise One: Do you feel safe right now?
Frantic One: Yes.
Wise One: In this moment, this very second, are you okay?
Frantic One: [long pause, futilely looking for a reason to argue]. Yes.
Wise One: [gentle smile] Hmmm.
(Formerly) Frantic One: [smiling] Hmmm.
 
The End (or new beginning)
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Now, imagine threading this moment, like a bead, onto a silken strand of time.
Imagine threading the next one, and the next one, and the one after that, onto the same silken strand - all different - all behind you, now.
Imagine an endless strand of moments, acknowledging that not even the worst of them did you in.

I know my troubles are only as big as the moment I am in, and that's really so tiny.
Even the mournful, frustrating, outraged, uncomfortable anxious experiences come and go, one moment at a time.
I can deal with anything for a moment.
I know you can, too.

In the great Mall Directory of life.... You are HERE!