A couple of years ago I set an ongoing goal for myself; to say YES more – in fact – to say YES to every unexpected opportunity that came my way. Saying “I can’t do that” wasn’t really working for me. Staying entrenched in a mindset of “but, but, but” was also a less than empowering approach to life. Perseverating on circumstances I couldn't change kept me trapped in an endless cycle of frustration. If you’ve ever tried to climb a hill coated with ice, you know the feeling.

Staying with that metaphor of an icy incline, I didn’t like being stranded in the lowlands, and I thought that the only way to the top of the hill would be to get rid of the ice by changing what had rocked my world. In my case, it was Lyme disease and other tick borne diseases, but it could be any life altering circumstance, actually. First, I’ll get rid of the illnesses, I thought, and then I can get on with my life. Thing is, over the years it became clear that this would take much longer than I thought – maybe even forever. There I stood, at the bottom end of an icy hill. Forever seemed like a really long time to wait.

It finally dawned on me, in a very deep way, that life was going on, Lyme or no Lyme. That icy path wasn’t going away any time soon and I was going to have to find another way up.

The other way up came in the form of a tiny, three letter word. Y-E-S.

When an invitation came to meet friends at an event in New York City, my list of why I couldn’t was very long, but the top three reasons were

1. I could never drive that far,
2. I could never afford the two day stay, plus meals,
3. What if I got all the way there and didn’t feel well?

I really wanted to go, though. I mean… I REALLY wanted to go.

In the midst of all the Nos surrounding me, there was a quiet and unassuming little YES standing straight and tall with its head above the fray. That little YES looked kind of familiar, too.I had seen it before. In fact, every time I found myself in a room full of Nos, there it was, standing quietly. But this time I noticed something else about it - its arms were wide open.

I pushed my way through the crowded room full of Nos, which tried to engage me with elbows to the ribs, but there was Yes – standing with wide open arms and I threw caution to the wind and walked right into them.

Yes. I went with "Yes." 

As a result, every item on the list of why I couldn’t go to NYC was rendered irrelevant.

1. The event was happening right after Easter, and we happened to be in Yonkers on Easter, which is so very close.
2. My husband graciously drove me from Yonkers into the city early on Monday and left me there, at the hotel, where I was surrounded by luxury. He came back late the next day, which gave me two full days.
3. Turns out, Compromise is one of Yes’s very best friends. With their help I decided I could stay for one night, not two. I found a way to borrow the money and pay it back with zero interest. I also decided to look at this as the simple cost of spreading my wings.

After ‘over walking’ the first night, I didn’t feel well – but for heaven’s sake, I was in a luxury hotel in New York City! That beat not feeling well in my tiny little living room, any day of the tweak! I rested, visited a rooftop garden, and wandered the building and the city block I was on with my camera while everyone else did the Central Park thing. It was okay. In fact… it was better than okay. It was wonderful!

Once I developed the habit of embracing Yes, I didn’t spend nearly as much time with No. As a result, I have done a lot of things that seemed out of reach before. No can be pretty tempting, but more than a little confining. We still do the waltz every now and then, but there isn’t much room to spin and twirl on the that dancefloor. Yes, on the other hand, offers open arms – and endless possibilities.

I thought No kept me safe, but really it mostly served to keep me from my creative and joyful self most of the time. Sure, No is a good word when it comes to drinking and driving, or that second piece of pie when I'm already full... but as a rule, it's a real killjoy. 

I'm not at the bottom of that icy slope, anymore. I found a new way up, and the view is much better than before.

The next time you find yourself at the bottom of a slippery slope, feel free to borrow this little power-up I use, over and over again. In fact, keep it. I have more. 

Wise words from Jack Gilbert
The artwork is mine - One of the things "NO" has kept me from, over a lifetime. 
What is "No" keeping you from?

This was originally included in my February 2016 Newsletter! I'd love it if you'd join the list. 

I wanted to write about Affirmations today. I've been thinking a lot about this journey of mine - this journey of Lyme and how my life has changed. So many teachers have come my way, and I wonder how on Earth, in all the whirlwind craziness, I had the presence of mind (or heart) to not only notice, but to accept their help (and by accept their help that includes doing things I didn't even understand). It occurs to me now that I was so depleted, worn thin, and twisted into knots, that maybe I had no room in my life for foolish pride any more. The only way out of this Lyme maze was with the help of others - physically, emotionally, and spiritually... it has been the climb of my life.

One thing that really helped, and continues to, is listening to affirmations and guided imagery. I know that a lot of people laugh at the idea of listening to positive statements, as if affirmations can make a difference if you don't believe them anyway. They say things like "What good does lying to yourself do?"

Well, here's what I found... Affirmations only make a huge difference if you don't really believe them (so, be careful what you listen to :) ).

I remember the first time I heard an affirmation audio by Belleruth Naparstak. She was making positive statements about healing and becoming stronger and returning to health, and I repeated each one faithfully. They felt good, and of course, since I wanted my health back, it all made sense. But then she said, and I faithfully repeated, my body was my oldest and dearest friend. What a lie, I thought. My body, my friend? You've got to be kidding. It hates me - it's trying to kill me - it's no friend to me anymore. But, every day, for several weeks, I said it anyway. All of it. Everything that went into my ears I repeated, believing it or not.

Now I had this ridiculous idea in my head - that my body was my dearest friend and one of my greatest allies. Why on earth, I wondered, did she put that in there?

Over time I became familiar with Belleruth Naparstek's work through her book, her blog, some Youtube interviews, and several more affirmations and guided imagery audios that I used. There was no single audio for Lyme Disease patients and so I broke things down and used a wide variety. From anxiety to immune system to pain to stress, each one had something for me. She must have had a darn good reason for those positive statements of praise for this wreck of a body. I didn't buy it, but the seed was planted, and it grew.

Funny thing about affirmations. They raise awareness. They set ideas in your head that maybe need to be set there because maybe our thinking gets mixed up sometimes. Let's face it, it took a long time to create some of those negative, insulting, angry thought patterns we carry around, so maybe it takes more than a listen or two to chip away at the thick crusts we use to protect our tender spots.

I'm sure anyone with Lyme Disease can relate to the experience of having a good day, doing way more than usual (which may only mean going to the grocery store), and then being wracked with pain and fatigue for days, or even weeks. My go to response used to be seething anger and bitterness. I'd think things like One more thing I can't do... this body of mine hates me and now it's making me pay. Huge pity parties were thrown in honor of my rotten luck and broken body. I even toyed with buying yellow balloons to really make the parties rock.

After working with the audios for a while my thinking started to shift. Instead of reacting with anger and bitterness, I found myself thinking things like Thank you, body, for letting me do that. That was different. I knew something really had taken root when I started telling my body Now I am going to rest and give you what you need in order to restore yourself. I'm sorry if I hurt you, but wasn't that fun?!  

BINGO! And that, my friends, is the point (for me) of affirmations. The statements we like and resonate with from the start are important reinforcers, but maybe they aren't necessarily the ones we need the most. Maybe the ones that rub us the wrong way are the ones that have the most to teach and can cause a true shift.  It's kind of like taking a class. You don't really do it to hear a lot of things you already know. To really learn you have to be exposed to lots of things you might not expect.

Visit HealthJourneys.com to learn about a the healing potential of Guided Imagery and Affirmations, mediation, and more. You can even get a free sample download right HERE . Sign up for the newsletter for a free sample!

Photo by Peg Zukaitis, used with permission.
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Read Belleruth Naparstek's comments about Affirmations, What's the Point? on the Health Journeys Inspiring Stories blog. ​

This piece was originally published on The Brighter Side Blog, 11.19.2014

In June of 2015, four months ago, I discovered something - I love to paint.

I discovered something else - I'm kind of good at it. Can I say that?

Thinking about the way my brain has changed (lyme effect), and how I am exploding with artistic expression these days, wondering why but not wondering too hard because I don't want to spoil it.

Also thinking that part of that change means I cannot remember details of the whys and the whats as I learn them. They will not be held in my mind.

​Reading Big Magic, still. and thinking about legitimacy.

I have a confession to make. I feel illegitimate as an artist. It's because I cannot hold a conversation with anyone about art, or artists, color or line, composition or any of the details other artists seem to hold so easily in their minds.

I do hold it all... just not in the part of my mind where the language lives. I hold it all... in the part of my mind where I create. 

Thinking about how Nasty Girl tells me not to bother learning about all the details, the whats and the whys. "What the hell?" She's so snarky with me. "You won't remember them anyway. You won't be able to talk about them while sipping champagne at an art opening, discussing the various styles and histories and all the rest. Don't bother." 

Nasty Girl is, as my grandmother used to say, full of pink tea.
​I'm not going to let her talk smack to me.. 

Liz Gilbert says to be a gangster for our art.
I like that. 

I choose gangster.
Anybody got a problem with that? 

I didn't think so.