Donna Z Falcone
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Art Shines a Light

8/28/2019

4 Comments

 
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A memory of how something or someone looks can be inaccurate, and so very stubborn. Maybe I keep that 'edited' memory for sentimental reasons, or maybe the memory is a composite of multiple exposures to or interactions with what is visualized, or maybe memories can come from first impressions. Whatever the reason, it shows up in my art. This is not to say that's a bad thing, in fact it's probably what makes every artist's work unique. This is only to say that a stubborn memory can be problematic at times.

I've been trying to paint water lilies with watercolor this week. As I've move through my varied renditions I noticed some key problems. Not in the colors, or the brush load, or the paper. They aren't even in my ability to create imagery of petals or lily pads. 

You should know I have been using a reference photo... several in fact. The flowers I have been trying to represent aren't only in the misty recesses of my mind, filed with sweet memories of summer visits to the water lily ponds of Longwood Gardens, Pennsylvania. I had pictures... many many pictures. My husband and I took dozens of photos, giving cover to the other as they lay flat on the sidewalk to capture the sun illuminating the pale pink petals, or hang ten at the edge of the pool to shoot down to snap shimmery reflections of blooms atop stems skimming the surface of motionless water. 

It was somewhere around the fifth iteration when I noticed my orientation was confused. The flowers had been painted as if I was peering eye level across the water at the spiky bowls of color. Meanwhile, the lily pads beside them looked like they'd been painted from overhead. Okay. Now we were getting somewhere I thought, providing the encouragement to try again.

The next was better, yet something still wasn't working. The petals seemed off kilter. After staring back and forth between my photo to my painting to my photo in vain, I walked away. When I returned with fresher eyes my expectations were revealed! I'd been anticipating the blooms to look like the lotus flower held in my mind. It was a side view, as if often seen on yoga posters or mindfulness memes. The flower in my photo was nothing at all like my automatic association with "lotus" although, by definition, they are the same flower. My perception was tilted. I'd been seeing, but not really accepting, the actual shape of the flower.

These competing images were disorienting to me and my painting. I couldn't see the flower the way it was. It was a bias, actually. Bias is usually considered as a societal issue, or a researcher's worst nightmare, but I'd never thought about it as a stumbling block in art. I took a new approach. Pulling out paper and pencil, which feel quite uncomfortable in many ways, but are much more solid and seem to require intentionality. I tried to study my photo gain, but this time with fresh perspective. Finding the shapes, proportions, and shadows, I scratched them out slowly, one petal at a time. I wanted to get to know the flower better. How are the petals related to the center? Are they all the same length? What is it's anatomy? I laughed out loud to realize what was tripping me up was me, and I continued to fill page after page with water lilies! Finally, having let go of the unconscious insistence that a water lily always looks a specific way in spite of photo evidence to the contrary, it was finally possible for me to more closely represent one on paper. It wasn't perfect or very artistic, but it's more accurate. My painting is still not 'there' yet, but it is getting closer.

Seeing first hand how my inability to represent this bloom was caused by a rigid impression was very powerful and, because I have a tendency to over think things, I wondered where else bias was influencing my perception and judgement. Maybe I don't know my own biases as well as I thought I did. How often do my perceptions masquerade as what is?

​
Art has a way of shining light into shadows I didn't even know were there.

bias (v.)
"giving a bias to, causing to incline to one side," 1610s literal; 1620s figurative; from bias (n.). Compare French biasier. Related: Biased; biasing. https://www.etymonline.com/word/bias


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Morning Practice Doesn't Just Happen

8/23/2019

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August 23, 2019. 10pm.

​My morning practice doesn't just happen. It has to be prepared... a way must be made.

Tomorrow morning when I awaken there will be fresh paper, clean water and brushes, and six brand new colors waiting to strut their stuff carefully arranged in my studio. I'm not even sure I'll be able to sleep knowing what's waiting there

Everything changes in a sometimes sneaky way.
My mother used to lay out my clothes.
Now, I lay out my paints and think of her.
This life is new, even as it grows old.

Days before my husband and I moved more than one thousand miles away to south Georgia, leaving our young adult sons to hold down the fort in Pennsylvania and step into their lives, my Mom scolded Dad for warning me I would not even believe how much I was going to miss them. 

"Don't tell her THAT," Mom said, giving him a look that stopped him flat. "You know," she turned to me. knowing full well what it felt like to be far away from your own children, "Everyone said I was going to be miserable in an empty nest," She paused, smirked and patted my hand. "I'm still waiting."

​We all laughed and although my dad looked shocked, I felt so comforted by her confession. The truth of the matter was I was kind of looking forward to discovering who we all are on our own, to watching our sons blossom as we got out of their way and they learned to take care of their own lives, and to seeing who I am without my hallmark kneejerk caretaking and constant planning. It was not an easy adjustment, but it was necessary.

Yes, I miss my boys so much it hurts. I can feel it deep inside.

But, that's not all there is. Surprisingly, I am also not miserable. Mostly.
​There is joy. Often.

It makes me happy that Mom had time to discover things she wanted to do and then do them - to travel with Dad - to meet new friends - and especially, to develop her art. At times I mourn the fact that I never really discovered watercolor while she was still here to share it with me.  I could have learned so much from her. 

But that's not all there is. Surprisingly I am, in many ways, meeting my mother for the first time in the paints. This is such a gift. 

Good night. Sleep tight. I will try to stay in bed 'til the morning light... but oh those paints are already giggling in the pallet.
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Intentions

8/23/2019

 
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This post contains intentions, most recent at the top. Filed under INTENTIONS

10.21.2019 MONDAY FAC
I intend to continue exploring my self through my painting and strengthen both in the process. And I intend to keep saying weird things like that even though they seem off the wall... because if I can't accept that what I want to say is what I need to say, how will I ever say it? Just because what I need to say isn't what others need to hear doesn't mean it's not worth saying. That goes double for all y'all! ;)  ​
10.14.2019 MONDAY FAC
​This week I’ll revisit my wooded scene and daffodils.... remembering why I love them and honor them by memorializing the feeling and the flowers.
10.18.2019 FRIDAY FAC
​Not great but not terrible. I did revisit my trees and I like where it all went.
10.7.2019 MONDAY FAC 
I want to paint feelings instead of things, and I want simply to get to know my paints and paper without expecting anything. ❤️
10.11.2019 FRIDAY FAC
I had a good week. I set out wanting to paint from feelings, and that felt so satisfying and true. As the week went on I realized that although I had said I didn't want to paint "things" I think what I meant was I want to paint things I have deep feelings about - feelings or things - and that has been freeing.
9.30.2019 MONDAY FAC ​ - 10.4.2019 FRIDAY
​I was going to say I didn't manage to  meet any of my intentions. I could neither find or remember my Monday intention, either... but I went searching.... and there it was: I intend to view the Fall Foliage videos (a la Angela Fehr) and work up a new version of Three Brothers, my tree friends from home. So, I half did it. I did not watch the videos because I got distracted by getting the entries ready for a show in November... but I did work up Three Brothers again, and I really like it. :)
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9.23.2019 MONDAY FAC 
​My intention is to focus on shapes more than anything because the pine tree warm up in Angela's Tree Clinic rocked my world.... I intend to experiment with allowing SHAPES to express and not focus too too much on trying to be realistic with colors - rather, to be more representative with shapes and after that use values within them to express myself. The pine tree exercise proved that shape matters above all. I've been experimenting with color into water puddles and lines on paper for a long time, but never thought I had the skill to do anything with this cool magic.... but I was wrong. YAY! It's good to be wrong sometimes. 

9.27.2019 FRIDAY FAC
I wanted to really focus on seeing SHAPES.... I picked ONE for starters. I put a glass vase in my kitchen and looked at it every day - the shape of it.... every day, for the whole week. I had to keep moving it out of my way to do kitcheny things (we have a small space) ... and I kept looking at it, touching it, carrying it from here to there, wondering what it would be like to paint it? Would it be clear? Tinted? How full of water? What would be in it? Today I painted the best vase I have ever painted and I think it's because I spent time staring at the thing day after day, from every angle and in every mood.  In the end, it doesn't really look exactly like the 'model' but it has a great shape, and a translucence, and the water level looks like water (I love when that happens). So, that's not bad for the week's ah-ha. It's quality, not quantity, right?

9.16.2019 MONDAY FAC
My creative intention is to relax into what I’m learning, embrace my own pace, and give grace and space to myself.

Wow that’s a lot of aces. 😉
9.20.2019 FRIDAY FAC
​I’m so excited! In following my intention to give myself grace and space, I was able to tap into a very heart led process I’d thought I had to give up. It brought me to this, a little water in my eyes, and a blog post which I’ll share soon.

9.9.19 MONDAY FAC
My intention is to avoid posting my art on social media and this will help me follow my own heart without worrying about the expectations of others. 

One more: I’m going to start dissecting Flowers so that I can see how they go together.... I think it will guide my intuition if I add more experience with parts of flowers.
9.13.2019 FRIDAY FAC
My heart and my head argued most of the week, so it was a real tug of war. Not good. I did keep my stuff off of Facebook this week, so that worked out well.
I zeroed in on painting sunflowers most of the week. I didn’t have the heart to dissect a fresh sunflower - they’re so pretty. My plan was to dismantle one that’s wilted until a friend in the FAC urged me to pull apart a fresh one and let it teach me.... and so I will. She's right. To everything there is a purpose, right? :) 

9.2.19 MONDAY FAC
My intention is to focus a lot of attention and practice on brush load and make some notes.... because my memory stinks and I have to keep relearning the same things over and over. Maybe notes will help me remember. Just the act of writing things down can help, even if I never look at it again.
9.5.19 FRIDAY FAC
This week went great!  I learned to keep going with one rather than start over, and by varying the brush load, and using what I guess is wet in wet on parts of my dry under painting, I got a great result. It was so satisfying.

8.26.19 MONDAY FAC
I’m going to give myself more time with each idea - one way I’ll do that is through multiple studies of a single theme with the intention of trying new ways of representing something rather than to keep attempting to represent the same thing in the same way only better. Maybe better is in another direction.
8.30.19 FRIDAY FAC
My intention was to give myself time by staying with a particular subject. Not only did I finally paint a water lily i was happy with, but repetition of the mistakes led me to some insights on bias and memory which led me to a blog post called Art Shines a Light.            https://www.donnazfalcone.com/on-a-path-of-color/art-shines-a-light

​8.19.2019 MONDAY ​FAC
​I will be rethinking my beliefs about what it means to represent something I see .... the middle ground between abstract and realism. And with that I’ll practice from a photo or two - reminding myself I can do what I want.
8.23.2019 FRIDAY FAC
​My intention was to explore the middle ground between abstract and realism.... and to do what I want! I gave myself the nudge to shake off the expectations of others (to paint real things) and my own expectation (to know exactly where I’m going with all this). I spent time in prayer over what am I supposed to do and what good is all this and the phrase that popped into my head and has come back to me all week long is this: just keep painting. Just that. Just keep painting. It doesn’t matter if my art never ‘goes anywhere’ in this moment. Just keep painting. So, that’s what I’m going to do. I feel so lucky to have found you all.

8.13.2019 TUESDAY  FAC
My creative intention is to notice my own needs hidden in the things I think other people need.... and then find a way to meet them.
8.16.2019 FRIDAY FAC
​I’m grateful to have found your site and this community, Angela. Heart Led is the only way for me.... the more I take a child’s ‘newcomer ‘ perspective, the more I feel things click and connect.

I've recently joined the Fearless Artist Community for watercolor artists under the guidance of heart led watercolorist Angela Fehr. Angela's stated vision is to empower watercolor artists to become their own favorite artists by learning how to lead with their own hearts. She invites us to set weekly intentions on Mondays, and offer up reflections on how we did with them on Fridays. ​This is a record of those intentions (FAC), and any others that come up along the way. I realize these intentions are probably only of interest to me, but this seemed like a good place to keep track.

    Donna Falcone

    On a Path of Color is dedicated space for recording my journey deeper into art; what it can teach me, and where it may lead. You are welcome to peek in or come along. Maybe you are on a journey as well and perhaps you'd like a little company. Whatever the reason, I'm happy you're here.

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