Donna Z Falcone
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Slivers of Gold

10/24/2015

11 Comments

 
Picture
My heart was a pond,
full of koi
beating wildly,
squirmmy and swelling and swarming upstream,
coming to rest in my throat-
hush swoosh swoosh, hush, rush, swoosh.
 
They’d skitter in,
those slippery koi,
no sense of rhythm or proper meter-
poor blameless, legless fish
unable to practice such things. 
 
Skip, skip, skip, skip, and then
like fish falling down a flight of stairs
slipskipskipboom[   ]skipboomslip[   ][   ][   ]boom[   ]skipslipskip, skip,
skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip,
as if there was no fish frenzy just beneath
my ribcage.

Each slippery, skipping koi
carries a sliver
of gold.

Long before my diagnoses of Lyme, Ehrlichia, Babesia, and Bartonella, my heart was trying desperately to tell me something was wrong. I, in turn, tried to tell doctor after doctor but it took 8 years before I knew what it was. Today I journeyed back in my mind, thinking about how hard I tried, how dismissed I felt,, and realizing how angry I feel... still. Today I painted my heart rate and today I imagine (and almost feel) my chest full of skittering koi, swimming wildly. I can still remember how scared I was.

We are, each of us, carrying gold with every heart beat.
Each of us.
Carrying gold.


11 Comments
L.L. Barkat link
10/24/2015 16:29:43

This is beautiful, Donna.

Reply
Donna
10/24/2015 16:40:05

Thank you, L.L. Thank you.

Reply
Christina
10/24/2015 17:14:26

Love this poem, and the meaning behind it! As I read it I could relate to that feeling of a flutter, like a koi fish. Perfect

Reply
Donna
10/24/2015 19:40:04

Hello Christina. Thank you. :) I'm glad the fish made sense.

Reply
Sandra Heska King link
10/25/2015 18:18:23

"My heart was a pond full of koi... " Oh my, Donna. I could feel the beats, the skips, the booms, the pauses... This is truly beautiful.

I looked up koi. They are hardy little dudes apparently. And you are, too. And you carry your gold well.

Reply
Donna
10/25/2015 19:53:48

:) Thank you, Sandra.... I like that. I carry my gold well. :)
I'm glad you mentioned the pauses... I wasn't sure if that was palpable.
I'm so glad you stopped by.

Reply
Monica Sharman link
10/26/2015 06:45:29

Donna, thank you for sharing this with me! My favorite part:

"no sense of rhythm or proper meter-
poor blameless, legless fish
unable to practice such things."

Reply
Donna
10/26/2015 09:56:39

Thanks, Monica!

Reply
Becca link
10/26/2015 07:18:37

From one writer/poet (and Lyme and friends warrior) to another, I could not have picked a better analogy for this particular circumstance. I want to say "beautiful imagery," because the imagery itself is just that, but something feels wrong calling it beautiful because I know and understand that feeling so well. But whatever the case may be, relatable and beautifully written on every level.

Reply
Donna
10/26/2015 09:00:06

Becca, I really appreciate what you're saying here - beautiful image juxtaposed against terrible sensations - maybe it works because Lyme is surreal. Lyme is the DEFINITION of surreal. In the dictionary, beside the word SURREAL it should say SEE LYME. ;)

Reply
Donna
10/26/2015 09:00:44

And, thank you so much for stopping by.




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